W  H  A  T  S  U  I  T  S  H  I  M
launched 1 january 2016
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January 2016

01.14.2016

Eight days ago, I stood in a pulpit and eulogized my father.

Considering the current state of affairs, I have no clue when I'll be able to write something original. I'm hoping it'll be next week, but I'm fully prepared for this to take some time. In the interim, I'm going to share what I hope was a decent eulogy. This one won't be as melancholy as the first, I promise.

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"...I'll write a song for you."

You were the perfect father for me. I lived in constant fear of letting you down. I still live in that fear, and I doubt it'll ever subside. It motivated me. It'll continue to motivate me, because you've set the absolute highest standards for me to reach. I've never sought accolades or the spotlight for me. Everything I've accomplished has been for you. I'm in awe of the man you were, and I know I've got some big shoes to fill as your only son.

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How Narcissistic is This Kid?

I've run through all the scenarios. What if I'm bad at this? I think I can dress, but what if I'm delusional? I think I can write, but what if nobody wants to read what I have to say? Am I okay with that?

You don't do something like this planning to fail. How can you? You have to trick yourself into thinking other folks care about what you think, what you value, what you believe is important. And for all my optimism about this project, I'm still highly cynical. Another one of my flaws. I'm a walking paradox, and it annoys me more often than it doesn't.

But, whatever. I got my style from my stepmommy. I got this gift of words from my mommy. I know I can write. I know I can dress. And I'll believe it just enough to keep this project going, and hopefully some folks will agree with me someday soon.

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