Am I a F***boy?
To start this off, I’d like to make the disclaimer that the term fuckboy is very gender-neutral. Anyone can be a fuckboy: men, women, cats, dogs, amoeba. No one is free from doing fuck shit in and out of a relationship.
Now let’s get into why I’m doing this self-check.
A co-worker and I were discussing the toxic traits that people often bring into a relationship and during our chat, he gave an example of a person’s “fuckboy”-ness. Alarmed by his example, I felt compelled to a self-examination of my own.
Could I be a fuckboy?
Like many fuckboys, I too have suffered from heartbreak. Even the toughest among us take the scars of past heartaches and use them as shields from any more hurt. In many cases, that’s supposed to happen post break-up. Whatever brought your situation to an end is going to have your wheels turning. What separates the fuckboys from the rest, however, is a fuckboy’s ability to harbor the hate and pain in their heart and in turn make the next person pay for the baggage they can’t (or won’t) let go.
My therapist is really helping me through my post break-up emotions. She consistently tells me that I need to take the hurt I’ve experienced and chalk it up as a lesson learned. Me being who I am, I don’t ever want to repeat mistakes, which makes me extremely guarded when it comes to meeting anyone new. I don’t see myself allowing someone to get close to me anytime soon but if anyone tries to pursue that, I’m going to be real and let them know what’s up.
That’s why I believe I am not a fuckboy. I wear my heart on my sleeve; it’s both my strength and my weakness. Most folks will know exactly how I feel instantly because it shows in my face and my actions. Fuckboys will intentionally trick you into thinking they don’t have feelings for you. I don’t have that luxury. I can try my best with my words to convince you I don’t feel a certain way but you’ll know by my actions if I’m feeling you.
Also: I’m a hint dropping ass bitch. I will drop little tidbits here and there to test how you feel about me before I open up to you. I have to assess whether or not you are into me and trustworthy enough for me to begin to peel back those layers. Plus my anxiety leads to my constant need for reassurance, so you’ll get bombarded with questions all the time.
In that conversation with my co-worker, he said he didn’t believe trash behavior should be excused because of the bad a person may have experienced. At first I disagreed, insisting that we cut people some slack. But then I realized expecting people to deal with your unchecked trauma and toxic traits then creates trauma and fuckboy tendencies for them. We have to break this cycle of fuckboy-ism and start taking responsibility for our bad decisions.
So what’s the verdict?
I’m definitely not a fuckboy, but I could develop fuckboy tendencies if I allowed my toxic traits to go unchecked. I would never want anyone to adjust his life or feel uncomfortable because of issues I haven’t first worked out within myself. Only true fuckboys would behave like that.
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